My Son
by Misha
Summary: Lucius reflects on the son that he can never acknowledge.


My Son   
By Misha 

Disclaimer- Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling and is not mine, however much I might wish differently. However, I am not making any money off of this, so please do not sue me! 

Author's Notes- This is a strange, sympathetic Lucius piece. I was looking through all the "Harry is Snape's son" stories and a horrible idea came to me. What if Harry wasn't Snape's son, but the son of another Slytherin? Yeah, I couldn't resist the idea, so this was born. As I said, it's strange and slightly bittersweet, but I couldn't resist. Well, that's all, enjoy! 

Pairing- Lucius/Lily, Minor James/Lily, Lucius/Narcissa. 

Summery- Lucius reflects on the son that he can never acknowledge. 

Rating- PG 

Spoilers- All four books, I guess.   


* * *

I have two sons. But I can only acknowledged one of them. 

One of my sons grows up in my home, spoiled behind belief, while the other is neglected by his relatives. 

I would give anything to be able to claim my second son, but for his sake I can't. It would place him in more danger than he is already in, besides I don't think he'd take the news well. 

But I do watch over him the best that I can and I love him deeply. 

I hate to admit it, but I love him as I cannot love my other son. I've tried hard to feel the same way about the son I've raised and who carries my name, but I just can't. 

I do love him. But he is very much second in my heart. 

They are the same age, my two sons, classmates at school and enemies. 

I pump my one son for information about my other, though he doesn't realize what I'm doing. He doesn't see that my interest in the Boy Who Lived has nothing to do with the dark lord. 

Yes, the Boy Who Lived. I, not James Potter, am his father. 

I know it sounds strange, Voldemort's right hand the father of the Boy Who Lived, but... Things are not as they seem. 

I am no spy like Severus, yes I know about that. In fact, I keep Severus information to relay, whenever I can. 

I am not truly evil. Though, I will admit that the only reason I care is because of my son. 

I do not wish harm to come to him. 

I know my actions might suggest differently, but... They could not be avoided for his sake, I dare not expose my true identity. And if I showed any sympathy towards him, there would be suspicion. 

So I help him in secret. 

Like that whole Chamber of Secrets thing, yes I set the plan in motion, but I also sent that annoying house-elf, Dobby, to try and protect Harry. 

Of course, as a thank you, my son had to turn around and free the creature, but what can you do? 

Besides, I am very proud of Harry. He is such a good boy and so strong, both magically and emotionally. 

He takes after his mother, I must admit. 

Though, I despise the spell we put on him to mask his identity. Imagine it, my son looking like James Potter. 

Yuck. But it had to be done. 

Besides, I already have a son to take after me in looks. 

Draco is not a bad boy. He's intelligent, magically gifted, and behind his rather nasty exterior, I believe that lay a good soul. 

Hell, I think he might even raise the guts to turn his back on the Dark Lord and become a spy. I hope he does. 

I am very proud of Draco. It's just that Harry tends to overshadow him. 

But it's not even that, maybe the reasoning towards my feelings towards my sons lies in my feelings for their mothers. 

I married Narcissa out of duty, because it was what expected of me. I cared for her very much and I still do. I just did not love her. 

My heart belonged to another, to a woman I had long realized I could never marry. 

Yes, I am capable of love. I loved Lily Evans, very, very much. 

But my family would never have accepted a muggle-born as my bride, besides she was already promised to another by the time we met. 

It was love at first sight. The moment I first set eyes on her, I loved her for the rest of time. 

I'll never forget that moment. 

She had just graduated from Hogwarts and had started work at the Ministry, some of twist of fate had her assigned in my department, and that was the beginning. 

We tried to stay away from one another, but we couldn't. So we conducted a secret relationship and Harry was a result. 

It broke my heart to watch him be acknowledged as another man's son, but I knew it was for the best. 

And when the Dark Lord announced that he was going after the Potter's, I was devastated. I fed the information to Severus, by then already a spy, and hoped that it would be enough to save the woman I loved and our son. 

But in the end, it wasn't. 

In the end, Lily died and our son went to live with that awful sister of hers. I came so close to claiming him then, but I knew that no matter how terrible Lily's sister was, that living with her was still safer for Harry. 

It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. 

Well, besides be in the same room as my son and not tell him who I am. I pray for the day when I can, but I know that it'll never come. 

Harry can never know that he's my son. 

But even if I can't acknowledge him, it won't change the way I feel. He is my pride and joy, my beloved son. 

I often wonder if this is the price for the crimes I have committed. That I would lose the only woman I could ever love and have to turn my back on our child. 

It is a hard price to pay. And the only reason I pay it, is because it's what best for Harry. 

As hard as it, I know I must place his needs above my own. And really, that's not that hard. 

Until you become a father, you can't understand how much you would be willing to do for your children. 

I will honestly admit that there is nothing I wouldn't do for Harry. But the only thing I can do is the hardest thing in the world--let him go. 

So I have, but in my heart he will always be my son. 

The End 


End file.
